"That looks. . .fine. Millie, did you ever wish you were somebody else, or else just nobody, nothing, nothing at all?"
She looks at me. "I can't say I ever felt that, no. No, if I was somebody else I'd be afraid I might not like who I was." -- R. Carver
THE ACTUAL START
It’s already getting hot. So hot that I had to open up the windows. That’s not too bad because the wind starts coming through. And the noises. Outside I can hear life happening. That’s not what’s really going on in here. In here, I’m documenting my age. Every week that goes by, getting older, wasting away, slowly decomposing. I’m not trying to be all melancholy about it, it’s true though. I feel it. Having fun and goofing around is not what it used to be. Back then it was being a goofball all day. That was the purpose to things. That’s what’s going on outside.
In here it’s work, and that’s good. That’s being productive and creating things that may last longer than I will. But, there’s times of checking out Instagram or You Tube for shits and all that, and that is ultimately a waste. There’s sitting around with a friend and drinking a few brews and talking and laughing. That’s still wasting valuable time. How do we remember how we used to do it? When enjoying everything was the straight up deal? When you could eat a waffle cone outside in the sunshine and get in a car and cruise back roads with no destination? Listening to the same playlist over and over and blasting it with windows down to everyone that doesn’t want to hear it.
I tried to recreate it earlier this week. I thought about calling up the Jeazje and hitting up Gelati Celesti. Getting a couple of fat waffles and heading for nowhere’s land, man. I put on some sweet shoes and went out to my car. Sat in the front seat, started her up, and then pulled out my phone. I stared at it for a little while. Thought again about making the phone call, but it quickly started to sound stupid. The Jeazje would have probably said, “Ice Cream, huh? How ‘bout we grab some lunch. I’m kinda parched from balancing all this work and play. Plus, I gotta battle 2 dudes in Tai Kwand later on this evening. I can’t be licking up a fat ball of butter cream before my match.”
He switched gears quick.
“Oh, are you gonna be around next Tuesday? I just put together this new string of apps on my iPads. They make every woodblock sound ever conceived. They even have all of these different sized African rainforest tree slabs that they cut into planks then recorded the sound of hitting them with mallets and put that into the app so it sounds just like we’re there. You know, in the rain forest, man.”
I didn’t want to hear all that. I mean, that rainforest app sounded cool, but I wanted to go out and. . .drive. . .like explore. . .have fun, live on the edge you know? Eat ice cream!
So, I drove there. Gelati’s. Got myself a mint chocolate chip and vanilla bean double dip and cruised down Broad St. Pretty uneventful until I was getting down to just the cone. Ice cream was dripping everywhere. On my pants, my hands, the steering wheel. I couldn’t control the vehicle anymore so I quickly launched the remainder of the cone out the window except in this situation, I hadn’t opened it. I guess it wasn’t too hot out then. So, the cone hit the window and ice cream exploded all over the inside of the car, all over me. Little bits of cone were sprinkled in my hair like waffle jimmies. I was embarrassed even though no one was with me. Good thing I didn’t invite the Jeazje, right? But, that’s probably not the point to life, right? To avoid embarrassment? It should be more to experience things, however they make you feel. And with other people might make it easier to cope. It’d at least be funnier.
WHILE IN GELATI Celesti I overheard this conversation.
Aww. Did you guys see the show last night?
What American Sniper?
No, American Idol.
Oh, yeah. That’s what I meant.
Yeah I saw it! It was pretty amazing. Clark
is the man, but you gotta love Jax.
I love all of them and hate for anybody to
What do you think they do after they get kicked
I don’t know probably --
They just keep working it. That’s what you
gotta do. You don’t ever lose. You just
keep working until you win. Like me. . .
Aww. Jordan. You’re crazy.
Let’s roll guys.
Yeah, let’s get outta here.